Life & Healing

A visit with water…

Winter Beach Surf

A windy day at Rialto Beach as the waves crash

For as long as I can remember, water has been my solace, my place where I find balance and am able to let go of pretty much everything that is plaguing my mind or spirit. Water is the flow of life, it encompasses all levels from being soothing to deadly and without it well we would not exist.

It’s been a while since I took time to write and I can tell because I feel scattered and all over the place. It’s cold and previously has been snowy so a visit to the water is not in the cards right now. I make due by spending time in a warm bubble bath with candles when I can and on the busy days, I settle into washing dishes by hand just so that I have the comfort of water.

I’ve not been what you would call “well” for a while. Between struggles with my sinus’, back, and knee pain I also struggle with depression and anxiety. Right now it’s finally starting to recede, I think. It faked me out a little last week with one or two pretty good days then bit me again saying no, I am not done with you yet. I’ve started a new supplement to help with it and I am less than a week into it so we will see how it goes in another few days. I’m not willing to say this episode is over yet. It’s been the longest episode of depression I’ve had in a long time but not as severe as some in the past. Yes, there was a lot of ideation and thoughts of cutting but I did not develop a plan nor did I self-harm so I will take it as a slight win. The ideation is still there but it’s not as severe as in previous episodes.

Working through and resolving a history of trauma is not easy and my path helps me along in that greatly. How you may ask? Every day I sit down in the morning at my desk with my daily draw from my Beyond Lemuria Oracle deck. I sit with the card and consider the message while working to apply it to my life. I’ve added in working with Kuan Yin Oracle and learning to work with Kuan Yin to increase the positive alignment within to be more compassionate, kind, forgiving, and willing to extend mercy to those who have harmed. In these actions, I have found a base to allow myself to FEEL and RELEASE some of the negativity that surrounds me. I am able to slowly begin letting go of the bindings of my heart and spirit. Soon I will soar.

Regaining bits of me.

Once upon a time I used to write, a lot. I wrote short stories, I wrote poetry. Somewhere along the line, like so many other things that I used to do and used to enjoy, I stopped. It became a place where judgment ruled and being judged was not something I wanted to subject myself to. The habit of comparing myself to others caused me to harshly judge the things that I enjoyed to the enjoyment of others and in that, I made myself…less. I continued to shrink myself down until there was no enjoyment of these hobbies or random thoughts that would flit through my head in some manner of rhythm. Eventually, all the enjoyment was stripped and I stopped doing everything.

Now I’m sitting and looking at the things I used to enjoy from painting, to writing, to beading, and beyond trying to figure out how to recapture the wonder and joy that I felt during the creation process. For some things, it is also trying to figure out what to do with the created items.

Clawing back to find my creativity and joy in life. I decided to start with photography. I love taking pictures and sharing the beauty of the natural world. A new camera is now mine and photos have started. Mostly things in my own little forest space and dogs or cats so far but I am greatly enjoying the play aspect.

Here are a few photos I’ve recently taken…

A small amount of lichen grows from a fallen tree.

Pine sprig hanging off a branch.

Close up of a tree’s bark

The fallen tree lovingly referred to as “log” when playing with the dogs in the forest.

Wolf lichen grows near and on a decomposing branch fallen to the forest floor.

A light green and pink fluorite rests on a tree log.

The sun shines on a couple of trees in the forest.

The sun plays with the forest.